Gentlemen! Start your Dremels!
My annual exercise in Mac-geekery and overdelivery came and went last weekend. The Sysmidgets, all 4 of the younger ones) participated in their Cub Scout Pinewood Derby. I ran the thing, as I’ve done for the last five years. This year, inspired by the submission I did for Nick’s scavenger hunt, I went with a 3D theme. Red & Blue anaglyph photography of each of the 40 kids. Lenticulars, too. And, videos of each race winner. All tied to an uber-geek relational database that made sure that each Scout raced an equal amount of times, in different lanes every time. And it was able to do a seeding for the final lane assignments that was so statistically accurate compared to the final results that we could have bypassed the final races altogether.
We got through 42 races in about 90 minutes. The kids and their families really seemed to get a thrill out of the videos.
With just one more race to go, it was clear which Scout was going to win the Derby. II was on a mic, acting as MC (while the Sysmistress person-ed the computer). I took the Scout aside, and sad, “Hey, Jack, I’m pretty sure that you’re going to win the Derby.” The kid looked so excited and proud that my heart damned near burst. “When I announce you as the winner, I’m going to come up to you and ask you what you’re going to do next. I want you to say, ‘I’m going to Disney World!”
He looks at me, with eyes even more full of hope and says, “I am?”
“No, It’s just what they say after they win a big game, like the Super Bowl.”
It clicked. He got it and nodded. A minute later, after he won and we’d done our bit, he jumped into his mother’s arms, both of them laughing and crying.
That’s me. Making kids cry when I dash their hopes and dreams.
This entry was posted
on Thursday, March 15, 2007 at 3:38 PM.
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5:01 PMI'm glad you're back!
Oh, and way to make the kid cry. Don't make the ÜberGirlies any promises.
5:04 PM
I had a bag full of bobbleheads waiting for the UberGirlies.
I'll have you know.
8:10 PM
Should I alert the authorities? Sounds like some kind of gangland murder.
"The McDonaldland Gang took out its competition today in a grisly murder scene"
10:04 PM
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, you could offer to take the little Scout to DisneyLand yourself, but instead drive him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," you would say, "DisneyLand burned down." He would cry and cry, but I think that deep down he might think it was a pretty good joke.
1:36 PM
You've got Jack Handey down to a T, but you're missing an E.
2:11 PM
God I miss the pinewood derby, it was the most enjoyable part of scouts.
3:14 PM
i want to come to your house!
3:55 PM
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3:57 PM
I look back longingly on my pine-wood derby days. I would wear it at a jaunty angle so that all would know I was of sporting blood.Young women would swoon and old men would cluck their tongues. Sadly... it got wet and warped, crushing my cracker thin skull.
7:26 PM
In my next life I want to come back as your kid.
8:00 PM
Best. Dad. EVAR.
8:38 PM
Shouldn't a pair of cardboard 3D glasses have been included with this post?
9:11 PM
I'm not back. Only visiting. And reading everybody's blogs. I'm a bit too overwhelmed with life at the moment to do much commenting, so I appreciate the visits.
Nick - I'd be happy to send youa Pinewood Derby kit, and you can racde next year. But at you're age, you'll have to be a Webelo.
Doctor - I really have no idea who was channeling Mr. Handey.
Miss Kendra - You are welcome in Chez Sysm(istress) whenever you'd like.
Sonny - you had the seersucker scout ensemble, if I recall.
Brooke - in your next life -- oh, I was going to say something dirty, but I'm too shy to say it.
Tits - I was standing at the bus stop with my boys and the neighborhood kids this morning. Nine boys. No girls. I guessed that there was a roughly 1 in 500 chance of that happening. Turns out it is more like 0.1953%, or 1 in 512. I hate rounding errors.
Todd - I have about 30 pairs left. You want to throw a party, let me know.
5:48 PM
"I started to drive him over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting kinda late."
Mrs. Jack Handey
((AKA the fools in SF)
6:31 PM
Good, we think alike. I was going to say something dirty too, but I was afraid Ubie would be mean to me.
Who's your daddy?
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