Downward-facing Doggerel
Ok. So. I've been attending a couple yoga classes over the last two months. I hate exercise. Hate it. I like to be active, and get crap done. But I've never taken to "working out". It's drudgery. But, I'm digging the yoga. It's helping me be a little less creaky when I get out of bed in the morning. And it's helping me carry myself a little better, which fools people into thinking I'm losing weight. I'm not. I'm never going to be able to do this, this, or this, but I'd prefer to aim for that rather than this.
When I went to my first class, I was doing a little reading first. The class warned that children under the age of 12 should not be brought to yoga. Because once they experienced an "out-of-body experience", they were unlikely to be coaxed back out of the astral plane. What I know of the astral plane is limited to the works of Yogi's Ditko and Lee. I'm entirely too afraid of Dormammu to spend any time there.
Seriously, I have no use for the quasi-mystical aspects of this shit. It's a stretching class. And I'm not paying a lot for this duck vagina.
But clearly, yoga is the work of the devil. In Britain, a church recently banned a yoga class for toddlers from using their space, saying:
We are a Christian organisaton and when we let rooms to people, we want them to understand that they must be fully in line with our Christian ethos. Clearly yoga impinges on the spiritual life of people in a way which we as Christians don't believe is the same as our ethos.
Of course. Makes sense. We wouldn't want children to be flexible in body or spirit. Can't have that.
This entry was posted
on Wednesday, September 05, 2007 at 10:00 AM.
You can skip to the end and leave a response.
1:30 PMi would like to draw attention to the phrase "coaxed back out of the astral plane."
yup.
2:05 PM
I would like to draw attention to the phrase "Donut Queen," which I insist should be my new nickname.
Good on you, baby. Getting limber is a noble pursuit.
3:52 PM
I thought it said Donut Queer at first, which is also pretty badass.
8:36 PM
I thought it said Downward Doggystyle.
Is that a position?
8:54 PM
If it wasn't before, it is now.
11:38 PM
This comment has been removed by the author.
8:36 AM
Is Hip Hop Diva class compatible with Christianity? Because Elder is taking that on Thursday afternoons.
What about swim class? Or gymnastics? I hope I'm not damaging my children.
8:57 AM
Miss K - There's a relaxation thing at the end of the class. I struggle to coax myself back from a nap.
Ms. McGee - As is getting stiffer. (Rimshot)
Nick - My father, who preferred us illiterate, had me convinced as a boy that roadside "Do Not Pass" signs were warnings of Dunkin' Donuts avalanches.
Scarlet - Still working on your birthday wish list, I see.
Donut Queen - I've remarked to Al Gato that the class would be a very titillating experience, with the women in class all supine and bendy, if it weren't so damned painful that I'm keeping from crying out in pain.
Comment Deleted - Perv.
Ubie - If our Lord wasn't testing us, how would you account for the proliferation, these days, of this obscene rock and roll music, with its gospel of easy sexuality and relaxed morality?
12:16 PM
If I could do the this and the this and the this, I don't believe I would leave my house.
12:58 PM
If I had that body I'd be doing naked yoga too. In fact, I'd be doing everything naked.
8:05 PM
If I spent any more time in this comment hole, I'm going to need a cold shower.
12:35 PM
Naked yoga. Enough said.
9:23 PM
I just give props to anyone who has the patience to stretch his knee behind his head. That takes practice.
I would also like to meet one of those yogis who never sit or lie down. It's pretty stupid and amazing all at once.
» Post a Comment