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Good times on drugs

This is remarkable. Watch it twice, then come back.

Okay, now try this one.

I don't use illegal drugs. Strictly alcohol and caffeine for me. And bacon. Paraquat ruined everything. After a six month drought, when the supply returned, everything was laced. Life was surreal enough at that age. I didn't like the crap shoot nature of it. If I wanted to get stoned, I wanted to get stoned to just the right amount. When stuff was laced, you never knew if you'd be hallucinating or not. I'm not big on hallucinations. I hate whimsy.

Years after I stopped using illegal drugs, I applied for the FBI. Seriously. My application cleared the Chicago office, and I was administered a questionnaire by Washington. They asked about recreational drug use. I 'fessed up, figuring that there'd be some polygraph action somewhere down the line. They sent me a form letter (which I still have pinned up on my wall), saying that any recreational drug use - ever - disqualified me from consideration.



Interesting note - when our current president (lower case intentional) took office, the FBI relaxed their requirements. They have been considering relaxing them even further.

Too late for me. I'm too old and bitter now.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 06, 2006 at 10:52 PM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.

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11:20 PM

How can you hate whimsy and love whim?    



8:15 AM

Who doesn't love Wham!?    



11:27 AM

Me.    



2:08 PM

My neighbor down the street is supposedly in the FBI. My husband sees him on the train to NYC all the time and his wife says he works for Amtrak, but his company car has no amtrack logo on it. Rumor is that he's a fed from people around town. Are you supposed to not tell people you're FBI?    



2:20 PM

That second movie was a lot like spending the day with Ubergirlies.

My brain feels funny.    



8:23 PM

"How can you hate whimsy and love whim?"

I thought something was askew when I read "I hate whimsy." Nick is so smart. I love Nick.

See? We really read what you say Sysm.

Well, I guess the FBI is out for me. Fuck.    



8:54 PM

In your face FBI!!! Who needs you anyway. Asshats.

I feel better now. How about you?    



9:38 PM

Asshats is old hat around these parts. God that was lame. I'm sorry.

In other news, I am loved.    



10:43 PM

Nick - I will henceforth cross-reference all posts to ensure thematic and logical consistency. If I feel like it.    



12:51 AM

i sent a link to my brother, it loaded and he watched the whole thing and I'm still waiting to watch more then the intro..
I hate dialup.

I also think the whole FBI crap is lame. I think they had to lower the IQ requirment for Bush as well.    



8:25 AM

In your face logic and consistency!    



8:39 AM

babyjewels - Amtrak doesn't really exist. He is definitely an Agent. I'm pretty sure his name is really "Carl."    



8:45 AM

Nick's been big on the "in your face" thing lately. Brooke, too. And Mongo, your hostility is palpable. Both you and Brooke have angry driver stories up.

I think the three of you need to go on a cross-country road trip. You'd learn a lot about the land. About learning to accept other people as they are. About how to kill them.

"Three for the Road(kill)"? If it wasn't fun, they wouldn't call it a "spree."

Miiss Knit - Sorry for not visiting lately. I'll be back!

GrandPoo - I just wanted the lambs to be quiet. There's really no other reason to be an FBI agent.    



10:41 AM

I was just talking to one of my coworkers about how "in your face [whatever]" has been one of my favorite sayings lately. I blame the Canadians.    



3:51 PM

I'm pretty sure "carl" can hack into my computer and see what kind of porn we download. scary.    



5:57 PM

I saw we steal one, Mongo. You know eally get into the spirit of the whole thing.    



5:58 PM

eally = really    



8:41 PM

saw = say

Canadian School.    



5:47 AM

Now that's using the old noodle. we should also rent some other stuff amd just put it in the vehicle.    



8:13 AM

Take that, Rent-a-Center bitches!    



4:57 PM

When are we going?    



11:35 AM

You're not invited.    



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