When Sysm celebrated his 200^th post, I had the honour of winning the DVD “Nude On The Moon” and thanks to the Australian postal system, I got to watch the damn thing shortly before his 300^th post. He asked me to do a review of the film for his 300^th post, and after watching it several times, I have to admit it’s a really difficult movie to review. Instead I decided to make a list of things I’ve learned about low budget film making and space travel, but if you want a proper review and tons of pics and clips, go here.

What I learned from Nude on the Moon about low budget film making:

• If you are making a film without any microphones and dubbing is never right, just make sure the audience never sees the characters lips moving.
• If you can’t afford to make a model space ship, just have the characters look at the spaceship from afar and describe its “magnificent glory” then have them climb a water tower.
• Remember Universal Studio’s primitive opening logo? Steal that for the shot of “the view of earth from space”
• Let the actors do their own make-up
• Give the actors 2 costumes, preferable 2 ridiculous looking jumpsuits.
• Explain that there are no reporters at the spaceship launch by having the characters say “It’s a good thing you didn’t tell the press about our spaceship to the moon, it’s best that we leave quietly” because hey, spaceships are quiet right?
• In order to make the film run longer, put in 2 minute scenes of the characters driving around south Florida, listening to music!
• To make the aliens look, well alien, just go down to the dollar store and buy a bunch of novelty headbands with springy doodads sticking six inches out. Don’t bother covering up the headbands.
• You aren’t paying the actors enough to try and make them take better care of unsightly tan lines or to give them all speaking roles, just three characters talking should carry the film.
• Buy one size of speedo and make all the characters wear them, camel toes and moose knuckles for all!

What I learned about Space Travel from “Nude on the Moon”

• You can build a space shuttle in 6 months
• You can takeoff in plainclothes and without helmets.
• Taking off from earth takes ten seconds, and feels like an orgasm.
• On the moon, your space helmet can expose your chin and neck and periodically your entire face.
• A mini scuba tank can give you enough oxygen to 13 hours.
• If you fall asleep while operating a spaceship, it lands all by itself.
• If you land on the moon a group of healthy women in unflattering shiny underwear will greet you but really not be phased by your presence.
• Space aliens get sunburnt asses like humans.

And lastly, if you ever come across a film that has jokes about how bad it is on the DVD jacket, buy it, buy it now!

This entry was posted on Monday, July 24, 2006 at 5:34 AM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.