<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d16813441\x26blogName\x3dSysm\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLACK\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://youareinmysysm.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://youareinmysysm.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d4002800012038526184', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

With these nipple clamps, I suffer as my Savior suffered. UPDATED!


The pages were still in my cache. You can view them here. NSFW (no shit).

Not to beat a dead horse, but this seems like something straight out of "American Beauty".

My Beloved's Garden is a sex toy merchandise site for Christians. Now those prayer beads can do double duty. Their customers love the site for its adherence to good Christian values. But there have been some complaints:
Hello, enjoyed visiting your site, but would suggest you blur some of the pics a little more. The product listings that show couples engaged in sexual activity are not blurred enough. There is still plenty of visual there to entertain thoughts that may not be wholesome. Please consider blurring this pics even more to allow more appropriate shopping. Also, please consider using mannequins or just the article itself in the lingerie section instead of live models. Thank you for your consideration in preserving the sanctity of marriage.

Another customer writes:
My wife and I are new to "sex toys" and have far too many disapointments with other sites as I have searched for Godly advice and products. Your explaination at the beginning is such a blessing. I tried words like "Godly", "Christian", "classy", sacred, holy, even Jesus, to find sites that are like yours, and the dang pornographers had sites that had Jesus' name and other "Holy" words just to get you into their sites!


Now, I understand why Christians are confused. Christians have been gradually redefining the boundaries of what is true, pure Christian love.

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 27, 2007 at 12:03 AM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.

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7:51 AM

Apparently many Christians are discovering the bounty of My Beloved's Garden:

Bandwidth Limit Exceeded

The server is temporarily unable to service your request due to the site owner reaching his/her bandwidth limit. Please try again later.    



8:50 AM

Damn you Sardonic Man! You stole my whole comment. Clearly we have much in common.

Who knew there was a market for Christian sex toys. I am now desperate to see what sexual secrets they have been keeping from the rest of us.    



10:56 AM

Jesus just doesn't want "Christians" to miss out on a lucrative money-making opportunity.    



2:34 AM

rarely do i settle for something less than a witty retort, but this time i just wanted to say "now those prayer beads can do double duty" was VERY funny. nice post.    



9:18 AM

I really wish the whole site was up. A cached version says they offer answers to question about "Christian sex toys, Christian marital aids, Christian adult toys, Christian oral sex, Christian anal sex "

Explanations for "Christian anal sex"???? that I would like to see!    



9:42 AM

Oh, my fucking head, Sysm.

I love you sooooooooooo much.

I am devastated to not be able to access My Beloved's Garden, but my life will never be the same again after reading this.

Thank you, a million times over.    



8:37 PM

Okay. I, too, was told the bandwidth limit had been exceeded. However, Tits' site opened up whole new doors for me, as I see that fisting, threesomes, anal sex, and viagra are all within God's will, as long as we pray before hand.

However, any of these acts done with a member of the same sex is Satanic.

The good news is: If you want to save yourself for marriage, you can always fall back on anal sex. That's what most teens do, don't they? Fall back on anal sex?

A-maz-ing Grace. How sweet.    



5:53 PM

I've decided against hosting a Super Bowl party. It's too much for me at this time, I think.

Address any complaints to Patrick Swayze.    



9:34 PM

Brooke - yes, you and Dr. Sardonic DO have much in common. You're both food snobs (in a good way). You've both kept company with the undead. And you both uproot at whim. You have my blessings.

Ubie - Jesus is back! And this time, he's not taking shit from anybody!

Nick - Welcome. I think there's ample fodder here for all.

Miss Knit - the site is back up. And, by all means, click Tits' link.

Tits -
No mention of speaking in tongues whiletossing salad?

Fritz - a certain female acquaintance is planning on a year of abstinence. I suggested she date a Mormon.

Ubie - We could always combine the two, and watch "Too Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar" during halftime.    



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