Raw material
Ubie brought up a point in her comment on the last post -- for her and I, our kids give us our best "material". Reading this essay by Anne Lamott in yesterday's Salon, I was disturbed by just how much of Lamott's "material" is at her son's expense. Great for her that she's a fairly solid writer, but she seems to be victimizing her son in a way. I'm sure her essay (and many of them before) have made the rounds in his peer group. I feel bad for the kid. Knowing that his friends, teachers, and anybody who knows him by name has a window into the intimate nature of his relationship with his mother.
What bothers me is that how she feels she needs to express herself (and make a living at it) comes at a cost to her child that she shows no sign of being aware of.
There's a reason I don't write much about my daughter or the Sysmistress. They're private people. And I feel like I'd be hurting them if I wrote stuff that they didn't know about. And I try to be pretty careful about what I write about the younger kids. Sharing is great. But it has to be mine to share.
What bothers me is that how she feels she needs to express herself (and make a living at it) comes at a cost to her child that she shows no sign of being aware of.
There's a reason I don't write much about my daughter or the Sysmistress. They're private people. And I feel like I'd be hurting them if I wrote stuff that they didn't know about. And I try to be pretty careful about what I write about the younger kids. Sharing is great. But it has to be mine to share.
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, May 23, 2006 at 2:25 PM.
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2:51 PMI would like to think I share funny stuff about the UberGirls, other than to complain about their messiness.
But to compare your own son to Jeffrey Dahmer because he didn't wash the car? I don't know...
5:20 PM
That is the most unattractive woman I have ever seen. I was so distracted by her unattractiveness that I didn't get past the first paragraph, which bodes well for her son.
6:58 PM
I find that reprehensible.
And if her relationship with her son is already strained, I can guarantee her that writing essays like that is not going to help matters any.
Also, her middle-aged white girl dreads make me want to point and laugh.
8:08 AM
I only got to read the first bit, because I am not a member of salon.com.
However, I admire the son's honesty. I'm not a liar, I just did a lousy job. Oh what genius is this? How I honor thee.
I would also like to point out that she did NOT compare her son to Jeffrey Dahmer, she compared herself to Lionel Dahmer.
Tits - I think it would depend on the son. To be fair, he was being a complete douche so a punishment is not out of the question, and if that doesn't work you have to step it up. Plus I didn't read this as an essay at the expense of her son, I read it as an account of the actions of her son and thier subsequent results. Not only did she chide her son but also herself for handling it poorly. Now, granted, I didn't read the whole of it, so she might go on to say "My son is a complete retard and I hate him." In which case I retract my statements.
Also, it seemed to me that he deserved a little humility.
8:44 AM
Ann LaMott is like this chick that everyone admires, and I've always thought she was just...nuts.
For one, all of her writing is an expose on her fucked up life. I mean, I appreciate that, and everything. But Hemingway had a fucked up life, too. He put his fucked up life into his CHARACTERS, and reserved the personal admissions for interviews. Or his cats.
In any case, I agree. Children CAN be a source of material, but we shouldn't use them as tools for our own writing/art/whatever. Ann--go blow it out your Bird's Eye View. I read enough of you in college to know you're just a loon with a computer.
Blah.
12:41 AM
I love Anne Lamott. I saw her read several times. Once was in Berkeley after "Bird by Bird" came out. She talked about her son (who was about 7 at the time) and then she said something to the effect of, "I won't be able to write about him forever, because he'll become his own person and I would want to protect his privacy."
Perhaps he turned out to be a richer source of material than she expected and she just couldn't resist, because I agree with you that this is not fair to him.
Of course, he could be his mom's biggest fan, urging her to write their shared experiences even when she demurs.
1:03 AM
Very pretty site! Keep working. thnx!
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